FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 4:13 HOURS FROM NOW opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY, BORING ROAD TRIP THROUGH THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE EDITION. 
FCG: HEY! 
FCG: YOU COMPLETE FUCKING ASSHOLE. 
FCG: GET OUT HERE I’M TALKING TO YOU YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT. 
FCG: I KNOW YOU’RE FUCKING LISTENING. YOU SAW THIS FUCKING MEMO APPEAR ON THIS RETARDED GODDAMNED BOARD. 
FCG: BY WHICH I MEAN *I* SAW IT, FOUR FUCKING HOURS AGO. 
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. 
CCG: WELL WHAT THE FUCK? 
FCG: OH WELL IF HER ROYAL FUCKING CONDESCENSION HASN’T SEEN FIT TO GRACE US WITH HER FUCKING PRESENCE. 
FCG: PARDON ME WHILE I PROSTRATE MYSELF AND GOUGE MY OWN EYEBALLS OUT AS A TRIBUTE USING A RUSTY GODDAMNED LOAD SCOOPER. 
CCG: OK I REALIZE EVERY FUTURE VERSION OF MYSELF IS A MASSIVELY SELF-CONCEITED ASSHOLE BUT THIS IS EVEN MORE REVOLTING THAN USUAL. 
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK CRAWLED UP YOUR GODDAMNED EXCREMENT HOLE AND DIED IN THE PAST FOUR FUCKING HOURS. 
FCG: MY EXCREMENT HOLE YOU SAY? HMMM… WELL I CAN’T SAY THAT ANYTHING AT ALL HAS HAPPENED TO THAT PARTICULAR OBVIOUS AND EASILY IDENTIFIABLE PIECE OF TROLL ANATOMY. 
FCG: BUT THEN AGAIN HOW DO I EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE EVEN REFERRING TO??? 
FCG: TELL ME, USING THE HUMAN FUCKING WORDS FOR THIS SHIT MIGHT YOU BE REFERRING TO THE MOUTH OR THE NOSE OR PERHAPS THE GODDAMNED EARS? 
CCG: I WAS REFERRING TO YOUR ASS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. 
CCG: WHY THE HELL AM I EVEN PUTTING UP WITH THIS SHIT. 
FCG: OH DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING BAN YOURSELF I HAVE BEEN PUTTING UP WITH YOUR SHIT FOR SEVEN SWEEPS AND THIS IS THE LAST FUCKING DEHYDRATED FOLIAGE STALK. 
FCG: YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING SIT THERE AND TAKE IT WHILE I INSULT EVERY INDIVIDUAL FIBER OF YOUR BEING BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME IN YOUR LIFE YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING SO CATASTROPHICALLY EMBARRASSING THAT I WILL LITERALLY HAVE TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF THIS SHIT UNTIL PARADOX SPACE BURNS ITSELF OUT AND ALL THAT’S LEFT BEHIND IS ME SCREAMING IN HUMILIATED AGONY. 
CCG: HEY FUCK YOU! 
CCG: I WILL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THAT PAST ME HAS DONE A NUMBER OF NAUSEATINGLY RETARDED THINGS AND FUCKED UP SO HARD IT’S LITERALLY BEEN WRITTEN INTO THE FABRIC OF MORE THAN ONE GODDAMNED UNIVERSE. 
CCG: BUT THIS RIDICULOUS FUCKING TANTRUM IS NO GODDAMNED BETTER. 
CCG: SHOW AT LEAST A FUCKING MODICUM OF PRIDE AND MACHISMO. 
CCG: EVEN IF IT IS COMPLETELY FUCKING UNDESERVED AND QUITE FRANKLY NAUSEATING TO BEHOLD. 
CCG: YOU’RE ONE OF THE LAST FUCKING TROLLS IN EXISTENCE, SHOW AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT OF FUCKING SELF-RESPECT. 
CCG: I MEAN SURE YOU MIGHT HAVE TO FAKE IT BUT AT LEAST FUTURE TROLL BOYS AND TROLL GIRLS WON’T SAY: HEY THAT KARKAT GUY REALLY WAS A COMPLETE FUCKING LOSER. 
FCG: OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!! 
CCG: EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ALPHA SESSION IS PROBABLY TALKING BEHIND YOUR BACK: STAY AWAY FROM THAT BOY, I THINK HE’S ACTIVELY FUCKING RETARDED. 
FCG: I REALIZE THAT AS A PAST VERSION OF ME YOU ARE ALREADY AT A SEVERE MENTAL HANDICAP AND FREQUENTLY FIND YOURSELF UNABLE TO LOCATE YOUR OWN SHAME GLOBES. 
CCG: OH HIM? THE ONE THAT LEAD HIS SESSION INTO UTTER RUIN AND WAS BASICALLY THE LAST LIVING MALE TROLL BEYOND A PSYCHOTIC FUCKING CLOWN? 
FCG: BUT YOU ARE, MUCH TO MY FUCKING SURPRISE, SO CRIPPLINGLY INEPT THAT YOU LOST THOSE AFOREMENTIONED GLOBES SO HARD THAT THEY NEVER EVEN EXISTED TO BEGIN WITH. 
CCG: YES, THE ONE QUIETLY SOBBING INTO HIS OWN BONE BULGE, BETTER STAY AWAY FROM HIM WE’RE AGAINST CULLING NOW BUT WE MIGHT JUST HAVE TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION FOR HIM. 
FCG: HOW COULD I HAVE EVER POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN YOU? 
FCG: HOW COULD ANY LIVING CREATURE POSSIBLY BE THIS UTTERLY RETARDED WITHOUT CHOKING TO DEATH ON ITS OWN INTERNALLY FIXATED PROBING NOODLE! 
CCG: I’M JUST ROLLING MY FUCKING EYES AT THIS POINT. 
CCG: YOU’VE “JUMPED THE SHARK” AS THE DAVE MIGHT SAY. 
FCG: DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY IDEA WHY I’M SO FUCKING PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW? 
CCG: DO I LOOK LIKE I EVEN GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE. 
CCG: FUTURE VERSIONS OF ME ARE ALWAYS COMPLETELY OFF THEIR FUCKING BINARY FIXED POSITION MOVING OBJECTS. 
FCG: I’LL GIVE YOU A HINT ANYWAY. 
FCG: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BOY-TROLL AND A GIRL-TROLL. 
CCG: … 
CCG: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? 
CCG: THIS HAS GOT TO BE A FUCKING IDIOTIC PRANK THAT I’M PULLING ON MYSELF. 
CCG: WELL DONE, CONGRATULATIONS FUTURE ME, YOU SURE DID MANAGE TO FUCKING SCREW ME AROUND FOR TEN SOLID GODDAMN MINUTES WITH POINTLESSLY ANTAGONISTIC BANTER. 
CCG: TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO WITNESS AN IDIOT BEGIN POINTLESSLY FLAGELLATING HIMSELF WITH A BARBED BLUNT INSTRUMENT FOR SEVEN STRAIGHT HOURS BEFORE REALIZING IT FUCKING HURTS. 
CCG: SEE ALL THIS AND MORE ON THE BIGGEST PILE OF PUKESHIT SACKWASTE IN ALL OF PARADOX SPACE SHOW FROM NOW UNTIL THE FUCKING END OF DAYS. 
CCG: MEANWHILE I GUESS I’M GOING TO SPEND THE NEXT FOUR FUCKING HOURS PONDERING IF I SHOULD FUCKING KILL MYSELF OR NOT TO KEEP FROM TURNING INTO YOU. 
FCG: ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION PRINCESS. 
CCG: PROTRUSION BULBS. 
CCG: WOBBLE GLANDS RUMBLE SPHERES THE HUMANS CALL THEM TITS AND BOOBS AND OTHER RIDICULOUS NON-WORD THINGS. 
CCG: GIRL-TROLLS HAVE THEM AND BOY-TROLLS DON’T. 
CCG: HAPPY NOW? 
FCG: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! 
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist banned herself from responding to memo. 
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK WAS HIS PROBLEM? 
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 4:13 HOURS in the future responded to memo. 
FGC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3! 
FGC: TH1S W4S 3V3N MOR3 D3L1C1OUS TO W4TCH TH4N 1 3XP3CT3D. 
FGC: POOR L1TTL3 K4RK4T 1S THROWING SUCH 4N 4DOR4BL3 T4NTRUM R1GHT NOW. 
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS ALL ABOUT? 
FGC: 1 GU3SS YOU’LL JUST H4V3 TO W41T AND S33!

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